I Only Roast The Ones I Love Busting Balls Without Burning Bridges Jeffrey Ross by Jeffrey Ross 9781439101407, 143910140X instant download after payment.

"If insulting somebody is an art form, then Jeffrey Ross is Pablo Picasso!" -- Chicago Tribune

"_I Only Roast the Ones I Love_ is one of the funniest, most compelling, touching, and controversial books I've ever read. If you love the art of people onstage saying funny insults that make your whole life's work seems like a bunch of crap, then this is the book for you." -- Chris Rock

"Jeffrey Ross has a face for books, and I'm glad he's finally come to terms with that." -- Chelsea Handler

"_I Only Roast the Ones I Love_ is Jeff Ross's most insulting work yet. An indispensable guideto making certain everyone you know hates you. Very, very funny. Jeff's writing is the reason I learned to read." -- Jimmy Kimmel

"Do yourself a favor...get Jeff's book, curl up next to the fireplace...and throw it in." -- Bob Saget

"When Jeff asked me to give a quote for his book, my first thought was to get Jeff Ross to write it. He's incredibly funny and I'm incredibly busy." -- John Mayer

"I've cooked a few meals in my day, but trust me, nobody knows how to cook someone's goose like Jeffrey Ross. He will teach you how to baste and bake all of your family and friends until every relationship is burnt beyond recognition. Ross is a flame-thrower at both ends." -- Rachael Ray

"Don't judge this book by its cover just because Jeff's face is on it." -- Sarah Silverman

Making fun of people is a way of life for Jeffrey Ross. Called "an heir apparent to such old-school masters as Buddy Hackett and Rodney Dangerfield" by the New York Times, Ross has memorably and uproariously roasted some of our favorite celebrities, from older-than-dirt Cloris Leachman to dirty old Hugh Hefner, to the beautiful Pamela Anderson and the handsome Bea Arthur. He even claims to have saved Courtney Love's life with his own brutal brand of tough love.

Through his funny and poignant stories, Jeffrey Ross shares the irreverent secrets every successful roastmaster should know, such as: if a roastmaster is going to dish it out, he better be able to take it, and how to use your roasting skills to meet members of the opposite sex. Ross also reveals some tips for toasting your friends and family as well as his secrets for writing roast jokes. One of the world's foremost practitioners of insult comedy, Ross explains how to organize an event, save yourself if you bomb, and prepare yourself to take a punch if necessary. He shares behind-the-scenes stories from his humble beginnings in Manhattan's comedy clubs, where he performed with Jon Stewart, Dave Chappelle, and other up-and-coming comics; to the crazy backstage (and onstage) antics from unforgettable roasts of stars like Flava Flav, Drew Carey, William Shatner, Jerry Stiller, Larry The Cable Guy, and Bob Saget that he helped bring to mainstream television audiences. He has even appeared on ABC's hit show Dancing with the Stars, where he was quickly voted off after the first round -- leading to a war with Jimmy Kimmel Live's Cousin Sal Iacono that was eventually mediated by Tom Cruise over homemade cupcakes.

A hilarious memoir and definitive how-to that will help you channel your own inner roastmaster, I Only Roast the Ones I Love will inspire you to go forth and carry a big schtick.