I Love You So Much Its Killing Us Both Mariah Stovall by Mariah Stovall instant download after payment.

Susan Choi’s Trust Exercise meets Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity in a Black woman’s coming-of-age story, chronicling a life-changing friendship, the interplay between music fandom & identity, & the slipperiness of sanity

Set in the suburbs of Los Angeles & New York City, I Love You So Much It’s Killing Us Both is an immersive journey into the life & mind of Khaki Oliver, who’s perennially trying to disappear into something: a codependent friendship, an ill-advised boyfriend, the punk scene, or simply, the ether. These days it’s a meaningless job & a comfortingly empty apartment. Then, after a decade of estrangement, she receives a letter from her former best friend. Fiona’s throwing a party for her newly adopted daughter & wants Khaki to join the celebration.

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“I was amazed by this debut novel. First person at its best, I Love You So Much It’s Killing Us Both tells the story of Khaki Oliver & her intense friendship—and its even more intense unraveling—with Fiona Davies. Stovall darts back & forth between 2007 & 2022, from high school to college to adulthood, giving us what feels like not just every one of Khaki’s thoughts, but every twitching impulse, every hidden urge. This book is filled to the brim; it would be dizzying if it weren’t so compelling. Fiona, & her eating disorder, is a constant in the book (her presence and absence both somehow ghostly); & so is the punk rock scene, where Khaki is often one of the only Black girls at every show she attends. The book is a delight (if an intense one) even for those of us who aren’t cool enough to get all the references. Not to worry, though—there’s recommended listening at the end. Oh, and did I mention the jaw-droppingly good lines? I returned my library copy & bought my own because the temptation to underline was too great.” — Megan Cummins, PublicBooks.org